A Calling is a Journey to the Unknown

By Jasna Nicolas

I remember feeling so exhausted arriving at home late night from an out-of-town school assignment yet I had to wake up early for a membership application interview with officers of a campus organization I was hoping to join. Fighting the temptation to take the day off for a much-needed rest (the interview day was a holiday, anyway), I nevertheless decided to go through it since It will determine whether they will accept me or not.

I was absolutely tired because I just travelled all the way from the northern province of Zambales by  “jeepney,” a popular, albeit uncomfortable, mode of transportation in the Philippines. Jeepney is okay if it’s just a short one within the city. Some people, especially tourists, even find the experience fun. But a 20-hour 88-mile jeepney ride from Zambales to Metro Manila is a totally different story.

And I was only talking about the travel part. In Zambales, I conducted surveys among the local residents as a requirement for one of my social development subjects. And I had tons of other errands and responsibilities for other subjects that were equally demanding of my time, effort and sanity. One must be a superwoman to do all that I needed to accomplish, I swear.

To get back to the story, although I only wanted to sleep and a jam-packed to-do list, I still chose to go to this interview.

In hindsight, I wish I didn’t. I performed so poorly that it was awful. My desire to honor my commitment to the organization despite my impossible schedule backfired. Since I had no time to review the issues and concepts I was going to be asked, I struggled for answers to their questions.

What struck me in the interview was when they asked me what issue do I want to focus on, and I replied, “Education.” So they quizzed me about my views regarding the ills of the Philippine educational system. “Is there any?” I asked myself. There must be. A ton of them. But I wasn’t able to think of any at the time. Bu the end of the interview, they concluded that I didn't even know the root cause of the problems of the educational system.

I felt stupid. Actually, it was a time of my life when I was just wandering along with my life. I was clueless with what I wanted to do. “Do I even have a use for the society?” I had no answer still. I felt that in my life, I was just dancing amid chaos. I began to doubt myself, which made me more miserable.

But then I decided to focus on examining myself. Why is it that I still had not found that “something” that I am really passionate about? My answer during the interview was half true. I was passionate about education, but the fire of the passion was inexplicably snuffed out.

Still, the question was: What am I fated to do? My head was filled with nothing but the noise of the whizzing of a dark breeze. What if I failed to find out my passion? What will be my life-purpose?
What is calling?

This blog is about one of our readings, Lee Hardy’s "Making the Match: Career Choice." My piece is about my thoughts and reflection regarding it and the implication of it in my life today.

I am the type of person who wants to do things with all her heart. I want to be authentic with all that I do. I want to know the cause and once I am convinced of its immediacy, validity and truth, I will fight for it. I need to be passionate in order for me to respond.

But it is not easy for someone to always find passion about things. And once found, the passion and emotion often flicker and die a natural death. A person spends his or her life acquiring wisdom, which you will almost inevitably question. A person finds a cause that he or she will fight for. This same person will be forced to kill the passion for advocacy when doubts set in about the “rightness” or “wrongness” of such.

Impracticality
I define “calling” as this great unknown force that consumes your heart to make a decision, whether rational or irrational, even at the expense of your life. That was what the apostles experienced when Jesus called them to be “fishers of men.” Responding to a call is a subconscious thing.

As a young child, I always wanted to be extremely rich managing a nice hotel or haute couture business. I was aspiring to be a socialite! After all, a lucrative job seemed the most practical option.
But something didn't feel right. Working with and for the poor was more fulfilling for me. My heart is not satisfied. I tried hard to convince it but I could not.

So I changed my career path, albeit, it seemed like an absurd thing to do. But I felt helpless. A new calling has enveloped me.

A Calling? What is it?
A person receives a calling not only once . So when this so-called “calling” did not work out, does it mean it was “fake”? I don’t think so because this calling will persist. In your life, you will do many things and events will happen. You might abandon your original path and temptations will lead astray. But the Holy Spirit will always lead you to the right path again and again.

A calling affirms the authenticity of one’s life so he or she must never doubt God and what's inside your heart. A calling will change your life. It will lead you to a goal that you never planned nor imagined. That is why a person who I called must take this journey to the unknown with faith and boldness.

Invariably, if one let God be the guide of this journey, the destination you will end up in will be a truly fulfilling one.