Opulence & Oppression: Part II

The offensiveness of excess and indifference to other's pain

“Oppressive language does more than represent violence; it is violence; does

more than represent the limits of knowledge; it limits knowledge.”

-Toni Morrison

Adults have a saying that when little children get bumped or bruised for the first time, they look to you to see how much it hurts. Aside from wanting to curb helicopter parenting, this analogy says that we have control over our emotions- even in pain. That, based on the situation, we can choose to be dramatic about emotions that are small and recluse about emotions that are big. Just like people who prematurely judge others’ expressions as disproportionate to their complaint, they feel empowered to wag their finger at them like a mother ill-equipped to truly feel what an autonomous child, with their own body feels. Simply saying, “it’s fine”, “it will get better” does nothing to change the lived experience of people’s reality- especially when it involves pain.

What are we to do when things don’t get better? How painful it is when communities experience tried and true pain, particularly related to their identity, that seems to persist no matter their efforts to resist. What then? I could not escape this thought and feeling of helplessness during part of my time visiting the National Museum of African American History and Culture. I thank God for the sacrifices of so many who made possible the progress that exists today, however painstakingly and slow it came. With this in mind, I also had to acknowledge how familiar the stories of discrimination and persecution of old were to me living in 2017.

Ideas are powerful- therefore it is our responsibility to make sure that faulty logic not go unchecked for the sake of relativity, lest we act recklessly. Rather than try to resolve people’s complaints for the sake of superficial consensus, we need to allow people to mourn and express their grief without being quick to respond with reassurance that all will be well- because the truth is that sometimes it just won’t be. People are disproportionately targeted and exist in a reality of danger, suspicion, and fear that can escalate to death at any moment. It’s happened before, why shouldn’t we believe it can’t happen again? People who feel this way for their neighbors, friends, children or themselves are not choosing to respond dramatically as if they control their response- this is their reality and whether you can understand it or empathize with it quickly does not change that or make it any less credible.     

Cultural commentator and New York Times columnist David Brooks wrote an editorial piece on the growing need for cultivating this inner strength and resilience- he calls it ‘grit’. In his article, Making Modern Toughness, he writes,   

“Perhaps it’s time to rethink toughness or at least detach it from hardness. Being emotionally resilient is not some defensive posture. It’s not having some armor surrounding you so that nothing can hurt you. The people we admire for being resilient are not hard; they are ardent. They have a fervent commitment to some cause, some ideal or some relationship. That higher yearning enables them to withstand setbacks, pain and betrayal.”

I appreciate Brooks’ distinction between resilience borne from surviving hardship and defensiveness borne from callousness and harshness. There’s a difference and it’s important to acknowledge it to inform our behaviors accordingly.

We need to afford others and ourselves grace. It’s ok to take the time we need to process tragedy and mourn in our own ways. Then we must take these events in stride. We must resist becoming hardened to the realities that disturb and pain us. The reason why is because there is action required of us. God tells us not to grow weary, sink to having low expectations from each other, even when it is hard to be optimistic.

In power,

Nura Esther Zaki

Blog Post #6

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As a 2017 EYA Intern, Nura is working with The Democracy Initiative this Summer in the fields of Grassroots Mobilizing and Communications.