To discover

Week 7 of the EYA internship is coming to a close, and I am now approaching my last week in DC. I am sure this one will go by even quicker than the rest. It is raining outside, so I can’t help but think that the city is mourning our departure as well.

This internship began with my flying across the country to be in a new place to be with new people, all of whom had no idea who I am or who I am supposed to be. Aside from being a Methodist justice-seeker, which is already a fundamental attribute of who I am, there were no expectations. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, this created an opportunity for me to rediscover who I am, free from the expectations of those who have known me for so long. In this space—or rather, in this world—I could recreate myself.

Now, this does not mean I am a completely different person here than I was when I left my home on June 3^rd. In most ways, I am the same. However, there are subtle differences in my behavior and attitudes. The role I play in my relationships with others has shifted. My approach in interacting with people I don’t agree with has changed. The way I live as an independent person with five roommates is noticeably different than how I lived in a house with my parents. From one perspective, one may say “the city changed me.” Of course, it did. However, I would like to think that many changes happened because this environment gave me the opportunity to discover parts of myself that were hidden by my persistence in playing the role people expected me to play back home. Without those expectations, I got to be a version of myself that was different than any I had known before.

One of the changes I’ve seen in myself is my willingness to ask questions—to not know. My fear of embarrassment always made me shy away from environments where I wouldn’t know the answer. Unfortunately, this meant I avoided situations where I could learn or discover anything new. Now, I can recognize that this was a cycle that perpetuated itself. Being in DC changed my approach to the unknown. Nobody expected me to know everything, so I became more willing to ask questions (granted, nobody expected me to know everything in the first place, but I previously convinced myself that they did). After realizing there were no embarrassing consequences to admitting you don’t know the answer, my ability to discover new things grew.

I hope that in my last week as an EYA intern, I can discover even more.

Nica Sy
Blog Post 7
7/21/18