Blog 3: On the guided journey
Blog 3:
The tragic humanitarian crisis including smuggling and trafficking at the southern border has been terrifying and seems to continue at least under this administration, unfortunately.
Through my internship work, I learn about the border realities every day. The constant report shows the extreme amount of people who try to cross the border everyday. At work, at the meetings, there is always someone who asks, for example, "so what is the number of asylees in the past xx months? or how many children are detained at the detention?" But it is often difficult for us to imagine what “these numbers” are like and how each individual’s emigration story is. Even for people who work in this field, it can be difficult to relate ourselves to the situation.
These are the pictures from my trip to the US-Mexico border four years ago.
It was a project week in my first year of United World College and during this week, all the students selected a trip from several options designed to learn social issues which interested them.
I picked the US-Mexico border trip because at the time, I wanted to visit Mexico and was curious about seeing the border. I did not have much expectation or academic ambition, frankly speaking.
But now, who knew I would be working on immigration and refugee policies and that experience four years ago would become so meaningful. Life is miraculously strange with how the dots are connected at the end of the life events - though I am definitely not saying this point in my life is at the end of my life journey. Back then, when I was walking the same path as immigrants took, I never thought I would be working to fight for this community on the political level. I remember it was an eye opening experience for me to feel the heat under the sun and the hardship of the journey while walking the path. The path was not easy at all. And imagine, there were/are men including women and children who have gone through this journey, for the life we have, taking all the risks. On the way to the border, I saw water bottles with anonymous cheerful messages and I remember that my heart was full to know the kindness and the strength of people. I also took a walk along the border and heard stories such that the border patrol police used to shoot immigrants who tried climbing the fence. I remember how shocked I - young foreign girl who just came out of a country without any neighboring countries - was.
In the midst of different versions of narratives, media reports and the government statements, I sometimes feel lost in what to believe. I think that right now, I am simply overwhelmed by the political/grasstops side of humanitarian aid. The life is so fast-moving here. I am always required to be on electric devices to catch up with the latest news and the emails which keep coming in every 30mins. I attend the meeting with big organization representatives. They look professional, intelligent and classy. As I plan to step into non profit social change agencies, I hope I will be working like them one day. But then, wait a moment. I wonder, do we get motivated to do humanitarian work for our own satisfaction or fame? Our feeling of being acknowledged for our work? Whenever I feel that I am being brainwashed by this D.C. atmosphere, I center myself with my roots of God's mission to discover why I am placed to be here.
Advocacy work, especially through policies, requires a long time and patience. Achievement does not come out immediately differently from grassroots humanitarian support like when I could go to the border and talk with immigrant families, but it brings such a biggest win when it does. Even if it does not seem going anywhere at the time, such experience four years ago tells me to believe in my own eyes and ears and keeps myself tenacious for what I do.
Overall, this week has worn me out. I am feeling fatigued from the past eventful days. I also still deal with many doubts that sneak into my head. Am I doing enough? Am I being helpful? Is anyone disappointed in me? Yet, I manage to find little happy moments; eating good food with my fellow EYA friends after the Sunday worship services, touring out D.C. and just laughing about silly jokes together, and also having gone to take dance lessons at the Joy of Motion. These moments help refresh my mind and fight against self sabotage. Instead of letting such doubts barrage me, through my time here, I am learning to feel the space I take up and believe in the trust and commitment which people around me decided to have with me. My goal is to change destructive behaviors, so then hopefully, I can grow to become proud of myself more and more, little by little.
In the midst of different versions of narratives, media reports and the government statements, I sometimes feel lost in what to believe. I think that right now, I am simply overwhelmed by the political/grasstops side of humanitarian aid. The life is so fast-moving here. I am always required to be on electric devices to catch up with the latest news and the emails which keep coming in every 30mins. I attend the meeting with big organization representatives. They look professional, intelligent and classy. As I plan to step into non profit social change agencies, I hope I will be working like them one day. But then, wait a moment. I wonder, do we get motivated to do humanitarian work for our own satisfaction or fame? Our feeling of being acknowledged for our work? Whenever I feel that I am being brainwashed by this D.C. atmosphere, I center myself with my roots of God's mission to discover why I am placed to be here.
Advocacy work, especially through policies, requires a long time and patience. Achievement does not come out immediately differently from grassroots humanitarian support like when I could go to the border and talk with immigrant families, but it brings such a biggest win when it does. Even if it does not seem going anywhere at the time, such experience four years ago tells me to believe in my own eyes and ears and keeps myself tenacious for what I do.
Overall, this week has worn me out. I am feeling fatigued from the past eventful days. I also still deal with many doubts that sneak into my head. Am I doing enough? Am I being helpful? Is anyone disappointed in me? Yet, I manage to find little happy moments; eating good food with my fellow EYA friends after the Sunday worship services, touring out D.C. and just laughing about silly jokes together, and also having gone to take dance lessons at the Joy of Motion. These moments help refresh my mind and fight against self sabotage. Instead of letting such doubts barrage me, through my time here, I am learning to feel the space I take up and believe in the trust and commitment which people around me decided to have with me. My goal is to change destructive behaviors, so then hopefully, I can grow to become proud of myself more and more, little by little.
-Tomomi. S
Comments
Post a Comment