EYA Chaplain, Leslie Ballew, Blog 1 6/20/21

 Living a Life of Welcome

My name is Leslie Ballew and I am serving this year as the EYA Chaplain Intern at the General Board of Church and Society as my summer Field Education placement with Duke Divinity School. When I was first informed of my placement, I was filled with a surplus of conflicting emotions. I felt humbled and excited as it seemed this position would combine all of my passion and calling to provide the most robust discernment experience any internship could possibly supply. I also really struggled with concern for my identity within this placement. My identity coming into this position caused me to further focus on the meaning of "safe/brave space" and "welcoming space". I know that I needed to be mindful of how I structured conversations and how I created honest spaces for communication. These mixed emotions of awe and concern caused my first few weeks serving to be filled with continuous whip-lash of emotions. Some days I was bubbling over about FINALLY being able to serve in a position that unified all of the pieces of my call. I was humbled by the conversations and opportunities that were opening up to me. I quickly grew in appreciation for both of the EYA interns as they showed up ready to engage with their entire selves. I was encouraged by the wide-spanning interests and backgrounds of the group as it allowed for deep conversations. While all of this was occurring, I was also struggling with more difficult emotions. I was continuously concerned that I was not serving all the needs of the community. I was continually concerned with whether or not I said the right thing or allowed for enough voices to be heard. I was nitpicking my every action concerned that I would make space no longer safe. My anxiety and intimidation grew which only caused my imposter syndrome to further discourage me. I was carrying these really positive emotions that were propelling me forward while I was also being weighed down by these more negative emotions. 

It was in these heavy spaces pulling me in both directions where I started to see a new image of the Kindom of God. I started to see the beautiful messy parts of my calling. I have felt called to serve those that feel hurt, overlooked, or abandoned by the church. In this niche calling, I am to walk with those that frequent these messy spaces. I am to commune with those that feel excited for what the Spirit is doing in their life but no longer feel comfortable in the spaces where they can discuss this. I am to sit with those that feel as though they are taking up too much space and their needs are too much for any congregation to sustain. I am to carry the load with those that feel as though they can never be enough. These spaces call for these heavy emotions to be held in tension with the hope and call of Christ. The hope and call of Christ does not eliminate the heavy stuff. The hope and call of Christ come alongside the heaviness of life and walks in tension carrying us forward. This is the space I am learning to occupy (learning being the keyword). I really love the idea of making a safe space for all, but I know it is not always the reality. It is the hope. Safe space requires a focus on the welcome. When you are working to make safe-space you give a lot of time toward allowing introductions to your identity, guidelines for group needs, and explanation of how to occupy this space. This intentionality is key to provided clarity and allowing inclusion. 

This intentionality even allows accommodations and accessibility to be tended in order to meet the needs of this group. This draws me into one of the main phrases used in the UMC, "all are welcome". This phrase has been one of the most beautiful elements of our church that I take deep pride in. Yet, I believe it requires more work than we are willing to put in. Welcome is more than a doormat or a catchphrase. Welcome is both a description and an action. Just as the welcoming stage is the most important in creating a safe space, it should be the most important stage of our ministry. Unfortunately, it is too often sped through because it takes time and it gets messy. To truly be welcoming, we must be willing to live a life of welcome. Our hospitality must be accompanied by intentionality to truly foster a genuine welcome. This is one of the hardest and most essential elements of ministry.  Our welcome must be done in words as we get to know people and their needs. It must also extend into our actions and continuation. The phrase actions speak louder than words is true. As I struggled often in my working overthinking or over critiquing, I thought of this tweet by David Hayward as his cartoon represented a woman in a wheelchair without accessibility to a church with the sign saying "all are welcome". This image stayed in my head. How is our church living a life of welcome? How are we slowing down and taking the intentionality of seeing ALL people's needs? How are we ensuring our words are not being counteracted by our actions? These questions are represented through the work I witnessed at the General Board of Church and Society. As I met with different members across the team and sat in different webinars/meetings, I saw all the ways this organization is seeking to create a church and world of welcome to all people. I saw the ways in which this organization is seeking to always do more and always learn more about how we can better live a life of welcome. It is easy to slow down and think critically at the start of a new job and a new group of interns. My hope for this summer is that this image of welcome does not fade as comfortability and routine set in. My hope for this summer is that it may be one of constant welcome. In fact, perhaps that should be my hope for my life. A theological mantra of welcome.