Leslie Ballew, Blog 2, 6/27/21

 Naming and Being Seen

This week our devotional discussion about Karen Gonzalez's book, The God Who Sees: Immigrants, the Bible, and the Journey to Belong.  focused on her chapters about the story of Hagar and Confirmation. We reflected on how many of us have spent little time discussing the story of Hagar in the church (some not even knowing the story until now). A large part of our discussion dealt with the topic of names and their importance/meaning. We shared our names and their origins. We discussed when our names are disregarding and misunderstood. This helped us expand and deconstruct the meaning behind Hagar's name (if you do not know what I am talking about you should check it out). 

Essentially, Hagar was stripped her identity and disregarded, yet she is seen by God. God sends a messenger to her and she names God "the God that sees"(extremely oversimplification of story so seriously go give it a read... like NOW). This meaning of naming and being seen continued to undertone all of my work, prayer, and reflection for this week. There is a power in naming along with an empowering in being seen. I think this is important to acknowledge as we pursue the long hard work of social justice. I know often times social justice initiatives can be exhausting and unending. This can cause us to get burnt out and discouraged. There is always more to be done. There are times when it seems like we are screaming into a void. In these incidences, it is easy to grow scenical and even give up. It seems like all our passion and hard work is not worth it. It seems like the change we desire will never come and we can never get it right. I know that is how I have felt A LOT recently. These emotions are valid and very real, yet we must take stock in the fact that we worship a God that sees those marginalized, stripped from identity, and ready to give up. Not only that, but we worship a God that empowers those same people to name. 

This story is about God seeing one woman and giving her a nation of her own despite and from the injustice done to her. This story is the origin story of Jesus's ancestors. This story is about naming a person and being seen by God. But what if this power and meaning also comes in our fight for justice? When we see the injustice in the world and name it, we give meaning and change the trajectory. It may feel like a small feat and sometimes feel insignificant, but it has power. This week I focused more on my work with the Disability Justice movement. I joined a few different webinars and committee meetings. I also worked on preparing for the disability feature in our Sacred Worth children's book project. These projects name certain pains and realities I carry in my life. These projects see the space I occupy often in silence. 

When I first got into Disability Justice work, I did so begrudgedly. This is because I struggled with my identity within the movement. I was taught to not "settle" with being "disabled". I was told growing up that I can always "rise above". Some people got upset when I said I had a disability and wanted me to use terms such as "differently-abled". This made me feel like I could not be honest about my experience and being disabled was something to be ashamed of. I went through a difficult time with my health that caused me to lose my ability to work and study. It eventually led to the end of a few relationships in my personal life and struggles to keep up within society. This struggle forced me to name my needs and struggles. In doing so, I was seen by those doing the disability justice work. They welcomed me into their community giving me words and understanding that aligned with my experience. They understood the hurt society and even the church caused me. There is still a lot of tension around identifying as a disabled person in society. I think to the story of Hagar. I think to the power in naming things. I think to the liberation of being seen and seeing others. The work is hard and it may be difficult to understand the fruit of our labor, but I know the power of simply naming injustice because I have felt that liberating power myself. So you are seen in your work. Keep naming.